I recently viewed another lecture by Ester Perel. I would suggest to anyone who would like to improve their intimate connection with their partner to watch her video entitled "Balancing Love and Desire", I am not suggesting that you watch this video in place of couples or marriage counseling, nor am I trying to lose business by having you watch this video. I do believe that watching her lecture could have a powerful effect on your perspective regarding your relationship, and is very likely to be helpful, you also may find it enjoyable. Mrs. Perel brings up many important issues that impact the way we relate to each other. She is honest with regards to the material she presents, and she touches on core issues that impact all of us. We all have a need for security, belonging, and safety. As mammals we are hardwired for connection, and yet we all have a desire and need for adventure, freedom, and exploration. We may be different from our partners with regards to which need is predominant. I typically think of individuals needing separateness in intimate relationships. We need to "individuate", as some psychologist might say. We need to define ourselves as separate from the other, we are different people, and as John Denver said, maybe we can rejoice in the differences. Maybe? At times for me, one of the challenges has been to define myself as an individual, and establish some sense of freedom so that I can truly be myself. I am sure that my partners have experienced something very similar. These things are difficult to work through and negociate. Of course you are reading this post because you have a desire to the best partner you can be, whether you are single or currently in a relationship. Unfortunately most of us don't pay enough attention to what could have improved in our relationship, and too often take them for granted, only in hindsight do we look at what we could have changed or done differently. I am hoping that you pay attention to it now, no matter what your circumstances or your age. Remember the quality of your life depends on the quality of your relationships, and our intimate relationships have a "powerful", impact on our life. Of course it is better if both partners are invested in making it better, however, we can do our part to make it better even if our partner is not all that motivated. We never know what will happen as we make positive changes. I can't guarantee it will always get better, but, you know that you will have done your best. Statistically positive actions are going to bring positive results. Mrs. Perel makes a statement that has been absolutely the truth for me. She says that, "We put out so much energy into our work, our children, and other areas of our lives, and we bring home the, "leftovers", to our partners. I was actually stunned when I heard her make that statement. We get lazy, but we still want our partners to be excited and passionate about us.
A Closer Look at Intimacy
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