For years I have specialized in working with children and adults with ADD or ADHD. The work with children naturally lead to doing family counseling and couples counseling. I frequently say that we can't really separate a child's behavior from the context of his or her social environment. This was a statement made by the late Virginia Satir. In fact we can't separate anyone's behavior from the context of their social environment. I have become even more interested in couples counseling over the past months, and to a large degree this is related to the breakup I have recently experienced with a person I care deeply about. The context of the couples relation is no exception to how we influence each other's behavior. Our behavior influences the other's behavior and the other's behavior influences our behavior. Our interactions become reciprocal. We have the potential to bring out both the goddess or god in each other or "something much different! You can fill in the spaces, use your imigination.. I want to be very clear that I was fortunate to be in a very nurturing and caring relationship for a long time, and for that I am grateful. Like most relationships it was not a perfect and looking back their could have been improvement on both parts. Now that could possibly be debated? Human beings are not perfect, however, they do have the potential to improve their ability to do just about anything, and relationships provide us with a wonderful opportunity for learning. We all have the ability to improve the quality of our intimate connection. The first thing I believe we need to do is to notice that the person we love is a priority in our life. For the exception of our children they may absolutely be the most valuable person in the world to us. The two big questions I want to ask today are, "Do you know how important they are to you". The second question is, "Do they know how important they are to you"? Just take a minute and think about what life would be like without them? Probably the two most important ingredients in an intimate relationship are that we show our partner respect, and that they know how much they "Matter" to us. Going along in our day to day life, we have our to do lists, and our job, and we are tired, and we neglect each other too frequently. Sometimes we just don't display the vulnerability that it takes to bring us closer to each other. It is like our hearts are not "completely" open. Like everything else in life we often don't appreciate something until it is no longer there. Unfortunately "all" relationships end. One way or another, just like life itself. Steven Covey in his book, "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People", identified one habit as "Keep The End in Mind", as he was referring to life. As unpleasant as it may seem, this habit may be worthwhile, as we reflect and give thought to our intimate and loving relationships.
More Love and More Intimacy
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