I had a friend that once said that one failed relationship is worth seven years of therapy. What if there were no failed relationships but just experiences that we learn from. I always saw myself as a good listener. Much of my work day is spent listening to people and generally it is something that I do relatively well. What I have learned recently is that I am not always the "good listener", that I think I am. Unfortunately it is most often the case that we learn about ourselves or get to see ourselves more clearly when we experience, emotional pain, hurt, and disappointment. How can I best learn from my experience and what can I do to make things better and repair the damage?. If we continue to be in the relationship we can easily apologize. We can ask the person how we can make it up to them. We can change our behavior and go back and do what we needed to do before, even if it is, hours, days, or months later. If we are no longer in the relationship it is quite different. Weather we continue to be in a relationship or not, it is not going to help us or the other by shaming ourselves for our mistakes. We have two possible choices, we can harshly criticize ourselves for our misdeed or we can compassionately remind ourselves that we are human and imperfect like every other person on the planet, and work toward improving the way we respond to others in the future.