How can we transform ourselves from trauma? In a Ted Talk Debi Sibler talks specifically about, Post Betrayal Trauma", Betrayal might be experienced in several ways, but often may be related to a parent or intimate partner. . She talks about how many people have not healed from this type of intense shock for many years, even decades. She says that, Betrayal trauma is likely to be the most severe of all emotional traumas. She also makes the statement that it is an opportunity, not only for healing, but for transformation. A personal transformation which might not have occurred if the trauma had not happen. What makes this experience so different and intense, is that you would not have expected to be so incredibly hurt by someone you love and trust deeply. They may have even been the person you trusted most in the world. This is why you feel so alone and so devastated. She made an analogy to your house being completely destroyed, and ultimately the possibilities for rebuilding your house so it is much better than it was before. She did not talk about how to do this rebuilding, but she did say that she experienced betrayal trauma in relationship to her husband. She was able to transform herself, and they remarried as two completely different people. Transforming yourself and rebuilding your house will be different for everyone. I have,"some", thoughts regarding some possibilities for personal transformation. I don't believe that there is anything that is likely to motivate us to make changes more that deep emotional injury, or a health crisis. As Thich Nhat Hanh says, "Our suffering is the mud from which the Lotus flower is born". He also uses a phrase which is difficult to understand, and took some thought for me to grasp. He uses the term, "We, "Inter Are", What a weird statement. Even in psychology we think of our actions, behavior, and mood as being completely separate from those around us. We make individual choices and we are responsible, not only for our choices but for our emotions, and experiences as well. I have always believed that to be accurate for the most part. But maybe that is not always the complete truth? I wonder if our values related to individualism has even permeated psychology? Not really sure? I do know that my actions have an impact on the behavior of others. He gives an example that if there is unfaithfulness than there is also faithfulness. The seed of both exist within the individual. When we look at our partner, which seed do we water. How does our own behavior impact the other, does our behavior have an impact on driving the other away, and do we play a part in their betrayal If I am angry or reactive, does the other play a part in the generation of my emotions and behavior? Within me is the seed of both anger and reactivity, as well as love and compassion. Maybe the answer to these questions are not always black and white. For me, I choose to believe that the other's behavior is in part generated by my behavior, my actions, and my compassion, or lack of compassion. Maybe it is true? that we, "Inter Are". There are many possibilities for transformation. Is it likely that we can learn to be more caring, nurturing, loving, and compassionate, not only toward others, but toward ourselves, as a result of being so terribly hurt?
Transformation from Betrayal Trauma
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