The Righteous Brothers 1967 hit song addresses the pain of our disconnect with the person we care about so deeply. What Happened to the Loving Connection with my Partner? Most of us would agree that human beings are complicated. When there are two people relating intimately, there are a many possibilities for things that can go wrong. Of course we were drawn to our partner for some reason. It may have been their appearance. We may have enjoyed the playful interaction that we had with them, Most likely they treated us in a caring and respectful manner, and we likely treated them in a caring and respectful manner. Ester Perel a well known couples counselor, says that people are in relationships because they want to be with another person that makes them feel that they matter. This I believe is a very powerful statement! We want to feel that "we matter". As the relationship develops and as we move into the "Honey Moon", period everything just seems so amazing and life is good. Overtime something may begin to happen where we become more distant from each other. I always think of relationships as "breathing", it is as if we move apart and than we get closer. This movement back and forth seems to be a natural occurrence in relationships. Over time our relationship can become either stronger or weaker. As we are able to resolve conflicts productively sith consideration and respect, it may well be that are intimacy and our connection with each other gets stronger and stronger, we become closer and closer, Sometimes, however, as we move further apart and we do not come back together quite as closely, until over time we lost that amazing connection that we once had. We learn how to relate to others by watching our parents and we develop a style of relating early on in life. As we develop and relate to our family members these behaviors often become a part of us and we bring them into our intimate relationships as we become adults. It is possible for us to feel shame as we behave hurtful or act in ways that are not so respectful or even caring, we know they are not helpful on some level. This certainly does not mean that "all" of our behavior is negative. To bring Ester Perel back into the picture again, (She is so incredibly amazing!) she says that we often feel shame regarding our actions and we often handle our shame by blaming our partners. As she refers to blaming our partners for our behavior she states that, "we are incredibly resourceful at hiding our shit". Most of us don't want to accept much responsibility for the part we play regarding conflict in our relationships. It is just convenient to blame the other. For certain this is not always the case but it is frequently what happens. In addition we are often not able to see ourselves objectively. To simplify this, once the honeymoon period is over and we are no longer getting our needs met from our partner, we may become careless regarding our behavior and actions. Our old habits that of relating that have not done us well in the past kick in, and together we make a "Mess". If you are still in your relationship you can give some though to accepting responsibility for your part and choose to relate differently. What if we didn't blame our partner for every conflict and for everything that is going wrong in the relationship? What would be different? If you are want a guide to help you, go to my website and download the "Target System", It won't cost you anything and could make a big difference in your life.
Want To Get Back That "Lovin Feelin"
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