I frequently find myself saying I really don't need this! Or I might say I really don't need that! If I am talking to another this is not the optimal way to get what I want.. Frequently people may give us a verbal list of what they don't want, but may not clearly communicate what they actually do want. It is possible at times to figure out what they are hoping to get or at least have a reasonably good guess. If a parent were to ask a child, "What don't you want for Christmas", the child might look a bit perplexed and the parent would really have a lot to figure out so that they could give their child the Christmas they wanted. Of course that was a ridiculous statement and an over-exaggeration. The truth is that it is so much more effective just to say what you want. Why is it so difficult for us to just say what we want? I am really not sure? A friend of mine used to say that "women are crazy and men are stupid". As my friend explained, Women frequently don't tell men what they want and become frustrated and angry when the man does not respond in the way she hoped. On the other hand men are stupid because they are thoughtless with regards to their female partners needs. I was thinking about Abraham Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. If you are not familiar with this visual image you can check it out on the internet. What is it that we really need? I think this is a particularly worth while question in the middle of a pandemic, when we are often socially isolated, anxious, frustrated, sad, and even angry. After all we are all just people trying to be happy, and to be happy we need to get our needs meet. So simple! I want to wrap this up by saying that under every conflict there is likely to be an unmet need. What the conflict looks like on the surface may not actually be the actual issue. Sometimes we are afraid to say what we really want because it could be embarrassing or leave us vulnerable. Your thoughts and comments welcome.
What Is It That You Don't Really Need?
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